Bill & Ted's Phony Phenomenon
by Puddin
Summary: Bill & Ted's rock career is a total success like Rufus promised. But their lives are put in jeapordy when the evil twins come back and terrorize them! R&R!
1. Chapter 1

(( Disclaimer: Okay, I don't own Bill or Ted and I don't know who does, so don't sue me! ^.^ Dun flame me, I appreciate it, but review! Enjoy! ))  
  
July 15th, 2001  
  
"Ladies and Gentlemen! It is SUCH an honor to present the legends of the night, Wyld Stallyns!" the announcer yelled into the microphone and the crowd went wild as Bill and Ted appeared on the stage, wearing rhinestone covered rock outfits, sparks flying on either side of them. With huge, goofy smiles, the two grabbed the microphone. "I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire!" came a voice. "And I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan!" came another voice. "Together, we are WYLD STALLYNS!!!" they both yelled and started to rock 'n' roll. The crowd went crazy as they started to play and lighters were lit almost instantly; the crowd looked like a ocean of fire.  
  
"Dude, that was most outstanding," Bill said, walking down the corridor to backstage with Ted. "Yeah, I even think I saw a blonde jump off the balcony," Ted said with a smile. "Really? Excellent!" Bill said, an air guitar following. "Dude, we're like, totally booked for a whole year. Gotta go on tour next week, y'know," Ted said, entering his dressing room. "On tour? Next week? But dude...what about Elizabeth and Joanna? They've seemed to have gone solo on us," Bill reminded his partner. There was a long period of silence as Ted thought. "I guess Death'll take care of 'em. They all quit on us," Ted said with a shrug. "Dude, must I remind you that Death is in London with his cello, remember?" Bill said with a brow lifted. "Oh yeah...well...they can take care of themselves then. Besides, they don't really like us around anymore." Ted said, packing up his guitar, his head down. Bill placed a hand on Ted's shoulder. "Ah...dude, it's not that bad. They'll come around," he said with a reassuring smile when Elizabeth and Joanna walked in, their babies in one arm, suitcases and such in the other. "William? Theodore?" they said. Bill and Ted turned around. "Whoa, ladies, we don't leave until next week, you didn't have to pack for us," Ted said, looking them up and down. "We didn't pack for you, Theodore, we packed for ourselves," Elizabeth said with her head down. "Well...I didn't know you were coming with us," Bill said with a smile. "We're not, William. We're leaving you," Joanna said. "No way..." Bill and Ted said in unison, "...why?" Joanna looked up at them, "You never have time for us and the babies anymore. We just think that we should be apart for a while. Goodbye," they said and left. "B-B-But..." the two stammered then sighed and looked at each other.  
  
"Ah, dude...don't cry dude. We'll be okay," Bill said, trying to comfort his friend who was making the most boisterous sobs, tears pouring from his eyes, "B-But...I LOVED HER!!!!" Ted yelled, burying his face in his hands. Bill cringed at how loud he yelling and handed him a hankerchief. "Here dude..." Bill said as Ted took the hankerchief and blew his nose loudly. "C'mon dude! Pull yourself together. We have millions of people out there who depend on us and we can't get anything done crying over split milk," Bill said, hopping to his feet. Ted looked up after wiping his face, voice still wavering, "You're right dude. The show must go on," he said then walked out of the room, carrying his guitar. Bill soon followed him to the Wyld Stallyns van. 


	2. Chapter 2

July 15th, 2708  
  
"Ahhh...almost finished with you guys..." Dr. Izzy McCormick said as he yanked white sheets off of two erect figures to reveal Evil Robot Bill & Ted! "Now...turn you on and you're all set," McCormick said as he pressed a button on the backs of the robots and they instantly started moving their heads around like they had a cramp in their necks. "Ah...I was wondering when we were going to get our heads back," Evil Bill said with a laugh and then did an air guitar with Evil Ted. "Welcome...I have waited for this moment!" McCormick cackled as he walked to a wall covered with TV's. One of the TVs showed Bill and Ted sitting on the couch of their Mansion back in the 21st century. "You know your objectives don't you?" McCormick asked the robots, not keeping his eyes off of the screen. "We get to kill 'em. Again!" Ted said with a laugh. "HOW do you kill them?" McCormick asked. "We cut their heads off! Man, this is gonna be sweet," Evil Bill said as he high-fived Evil Ted. "Then...?" McCormick continued. "We bring the heads back to you so you can use their brains," Evil Ted replied. "Exactly! I need their brilliance for my other robots!" the mad scientist said, rubbing his hand together evily. "Briliant? Yeah right..." the robots said to themselves. Suddenly, Evil Bill had this really wicked look in his eyes then he whispered something to Evil Ted. "Whoa! That will be totally sugary SWEET revenge!" he replied. McCormick finally looked back at them as they quickly stood there, looking serious. "Well..what are you waiting for, idiots! Get going!" the scientist said as the robots stepped back into a green beam of light that connected from the roof to the floor and the robots disappeared. "When I get ahold of their minds...the world WILL BE MINE!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" McCormick cackled.  
  
July 15th, 2001  
  
"Dude...this is most NON heinous," Ted whined as he slotched in the love seat in the living room. "Better get ready to go on tour in a couple of days," Bill said tiredly. "Yeah..." Ted replied, not having much more to say when suddenly the doorbell rang. "I wonder who that could be," Bill said as he got up and walked to the door, opening it. "How's it going Bill and Ted?" the robots said before the door was slammed right in their faces. "Dude! It's us again!" Bill whispered as Ted started for the door. "Open up in there!" the robots said, now pounding on the door. "I thought you guys were dead!" Ted said. "Well...not exactly..." they said and then suddenly, the robots pulled the door open and hit both Bill and Ted over the head with a wooden board, making the two's world go black. 


	3. Chapter 3

July 16th, 2001  
  
"Ugh...ugh..." Bill groaned as he came to, looking over at Ted who was also starting to wake up. Before they even knew it, Bill and Ted were tied up inside a closed in room that looked like a vault. "Dude...where are we?" Ted asked, looking around the small room. "I dunno, dude...but we gotta get outta here," Bill said, now struggling trying to loosen the rope's grip on his wrists. "Ah dude...what happened to that box cutter you had?" Ted asked, struggling. "What box cutter?" Bill asked, looking at him. "You know, the one you always use. The one that you tried to play your guitar with?" Ted reminded him. "Oh yeah! Good thinking dude! It's here in my pocket," Bill said. "Well, dude, get it..." Ted said. "Uh...I can't...I can't reach into my pockets dude," Bill said regretfully. "Oh dude...here lemme try..." Ted said, scooching himself toward Bill, reaching his tied hands into his pockets, pulling out the box cutter. "I did it dude.." Ted said as he picked it up and started cutting the thick rope on Bill's wrist. "Whoa! Thanks dude!" Bill said, freeing himself, already starting to try and find a way out but knocking on the walls, trying to find a hollow sound. "Uh...dude?" Ted started. "Shh! I'm listening..." Bill said. "Dude???" Ted said again. "Dude! Quiet," Bill said. "Uh...dude...you need to help me here because not only am I still tied up...the walls are like....closing in on us..." Ted said, whipping his head around. Bill stopped moving and felt the wall as it started to move towards him. "Oh crap..." Bill whispered. "Help me dude!!" Ted exclaimed. "Oh right.." Bill said, using the box cutter to cut his rope. Ted popped to his feet, banging on the walls that were slowly but surely starting to move towards each other. "We're going to get crushed!" they said in unison, banging on the walls when Bill spotted something on the floor. "Dude!" Bill said. "What?" Ted said looking down. Bill kneeled to the floor, picking at a crack in the floor. All of a sudden, the crack flung open like a trap door. "Dude! Our way out! Get in!" Bill said as Ted hopped into the hole. "WWWWWWWWWWWHHOOOOOOAAAAA!!!!!" Ted screamed as he fell down it. Without another thought, Bill followed. Before they knew it, they were in a pit of rattle snakes! With a unison gasp, Bill and Ted, stayed completely still as they eyed all...50...of the snakes, seeing one that looked ready to attack. "Bill..?" Ted whispered. "What?" Bill replied. "We MUST get out of here," Ted whispered as he started to look for a way to escape and he saw two ropes that looked like it lead to the top of the pit. "Bill...when I count to 3...we jump for those ropes," Ted said, looking back cautiously to the hungry snake that was slithering closer. "1. . .2 . . .3! Jump!" Ted yelled and the two lept for the ropes just as the snake snapped at them. The two climbed up the ropes and looked around at what was on the top. A factory. A HUGE factory. " 'McCormick's Factory' ?" Bill read on the EXIT sign door. "We better get outta here dude!" Bill said they ran for the door. Evil Bill and Ted were in a corner watching them and they chuckled wickedly when they left. 


	4. Chapter 4

July 21st, 2001  
  
Days later, Bill and Ted went back to their house to find it totally wrecked. "Whoa...dude..." Ted whispered as he started to go to his room. Bill stayed in the living room, searching under the junk. "Dude!" Ted exclaimed from his room. Bill came running in. "What dude?" Bill said, noting the serious look on his face. "Dude...they've got Elizabeth and Joanna..." Ted said, holding a note up to his face. "Dear Good Human Dickweeds, Either you come to us or we kill you're wives and children. Blackmail, you say? We know, isn't it cool! Still don't come? We'll make you lives a living hell first, Very Sincerely and Thankfully, Your Best Friends, Evil Bill and Ted, P.S. . . .NOT!" the note read. "Dude...this is so BOGUS dude..." Ted said then looked around the room again. "Dude...and they took all of our equipment!" Bill said, looking in a big black bag. "We can't let them get away with this," Ted said as suddenly the room started to lighting and thunder. The a telephone booth fell straight into Ted's room. Bill and Ted looked at each other with a look of confusion and then back at the booth. The door opened and Bill and Ted's old friend stepped out. "Rufus!" they said in unison, "Are we glad to see you!" Rufus smiled and looked at the two. "I'm glad to see you to, guys but lets save the reunion for last. I just heard about what has happened," he said. "Well, tell us then..because we have NO idea what happened," Bill said. "Well..allow me to explain, William. In the 28th century, there's this mad scientist called Dr. Izzy McCormick who finds brains to make robots. And guess who's brains he wants," Rufus said. "Uh...Albert Einstein?" Ted guessed. "No, Theodore...yours," was the reply. Bill and Ted just stared at each other with a look of disbelief. "Why us?" Bill asked. "Because of the way you guys handle your music, everybody around the world loves it. In the future they love it too. He wants somebody who...quote, 'brilliant'," Rufus explained. "Okay but how did the evil uses are back? I thought we killed 'em," Ted implied. "McCormick found them, rebuild them and used them in this little scheme to get your heads," Rufus said, "So what do we do?" Bill asked. "My friends, thats up to you, but you can use the booth and...this book," Rufus said, handing the two a thick book with the words, "Bill and Ted's Phenomenon" on the cover. Bill frowned and opened the book and saw that there were no words on the pages. "Uh...Rufus dude...why aren't there any words?" Ted asked after taking a look at the book. "Because nothing has happened yet. When given a choice to do something, that book will say what has happened but the thing is, it DIDN'T happen," Rufus contined, "The words fill in what your frame of thinking says. When you have a chance to make a decision, that book will fill in what you wanted to happen. It's like changing the future that has all been written out for you but not fill in the pages because it might change and in order to complete your mission, you must fill in the pages so the future will change because this book is in the records in 28th century. In the library and everything. Understand?" Bill and Ted looked at each other then back at the book. "Use the booth how you please but guys, I must warn you, that whole book MUST be filled in within three days or you'll never complete your mission and McCormick will have your head," Rufus warned then stepped into the phone, dialing the number. "The good news is if you fill in the book but still have a bad ending...I'll gladly come to your rescue," he said with a laugh, "Good luck guys and..." Rufus said putting on his sunglasses, "It's all up to you..." he said then vanished in the telephone to only have another appear. "Dude...this is SO NOT what I was expecting dude," Ted said, still flipping through the book, still seeing nothing but blank pages. "Well...we have things to work with although I have NO idea what Rufus just said," Bill said, staring at the blank pages in the book. "Me either dude. I don't see how we can go through with this dude," Ted said then he stared at the book in amazement,"Dude! Look!" he exclaimed looking at the very first page in the book. " 'Bill and Ted give up on the mission, their wives and children die and their heads get cut off and sent to the future, the end,' "Ted read from the book. "The page filled in! This must be what will happen if we don't do anything!" Bill said then looked back at the words and they changed suddenly. " 'Bill and Ted use the booth to travel two days into the future,' " Bill read from the book. "Dude! This what we have to do!" he pointed out. "We do? For what?" Ted asked. "Because the book said so! Weren't you listening to what Rufus said?" Bill asked. Ted scratched his head and then shook it,"Uh....no?" he said. "Dude...this book helps makes our decisions! Don't you get it, dude? We have to travel to the future to see what will happen!" Bill said. "Oh, yeah! I get it...uh..okay.." Ted said hopping to his feet, stepping into the booth. "Where we going again?" Ted asked. "Two days in the future dude!" Bill said and walked into the booth, closing the door. He dialed the number to San Dimas two days ahead and off they were traveling in time. 


	5. Chapter 5

July 23rd, 2001  
  
"Whoo! I hate that, dude," Ted said once they landed in a parking lot of the Circle K. They stepped out and everybody in the parking lot started throw vegetables at them. "Traitors! Idiots!" the people shouted as Bill and Ted ran out of the lot. "Dude? What's going on here?" Bill asked. "Check the book," Ted suggested and thats what Bill did. " 'Bill and Ted get framed by Evil Bill and Ted and everybody plans on killing them,' " Bill read and then gulped. Suddenly a huge man with a rifle came around the corner, pointing the rifle right at their heads. With a gasp, Bill and Ted put their hands up. "Get ready to go to hell, Wyld Stallyns," the man said, cocking the rifle. "Whoa! A Chinese Air Fighter Jet!" Ted blurted out, pointing at the sky. The man turned around to look. "Where? Where?" he said and before he knew it, he was getting pushed down and ran over. "Dude! What do we do now?" Ted asked Bill, running from the huge man who was now chasing them. Bill checked the book, gasped and looked up. "Duck!" Bill said and they did. A huge crane swung over there heads but hit the man square in the face, making him fly all the way down the street. "Whoa!" they said in unison then ran into an alley, checking the book again. "Now it says that we find Evil Bill and Ted," Bill said. "But where could they be?" Ted asked. "Probably back at our house," Bill said then realized something. "Dude, I totally have a plan," he said with a wicked smile. "What?" Ted said, looking into the book. "We can use the booth to travel back in time before we got capture and catch those evil dickweeds before they catch us!" Bill said and read it from the book. "And once we get back here, we'll put them in that trash can. Then our wives should be safe and we never get framed," Ted finished. "Dude! Good thinking!" Bill said and walked to the trash can and opened the lid to see Evil Bill and Ted in it, tied up and knocked out. "Yeah!" Ted said and looked into the book. "Uh- oh..." he said. "What?" Bill said looking into the book. "Bogus..." they said in unison and then two hands got them, dragging them out of the alley. "Ever heard of holograms, fags?" Evil Ted said and then laughed, pushing the two up against the wall, "I'm sorry to say, gentlemen but it looks like we beat you to the chase," Evil Ted said as Evil Bill jumped from a fire escape, holding two other people, he pushed them down. "Elizabeth, Joanna!" Bill exclaimed but then got punched out by Evil Ted. "Shut up..." he said. "You stupid pussweed!" Ted exclaimed and then also got punched out by his evil robot clone. "Revenge is a pure bitch isn't it?" Evil Ted laughed, dragging the two into the back of a truck. Elizabeth and Joanna were screaming muffledly from under the tape on their lips. "Get in there lady humans," Bill said, pushing them into the truck and slamming the door behind them. "This is totally cool, don't ya think Evil Ted?" Evil Bill asked with a goofy-ass smile. "Totally," Evil Ted said. An Air guitar and a couple of high fives and off to the future we go. 


	6. Chapter 6

July 24th 2708  
  
"Wake up my little pets, wake up," that scratchy, wicked voice said. Bill and Ted opened their eyes and found themselves staring straight into the eyes of Dr. McCormick. "Dude...ever heard of plastic surgery?" Ted asked after seeing McCormick's beat up face. "Oh, of course I have but let us not get into that now...haha...Robots, take them to the pits!" McCormick said as Evil Bill and Ted picked them up, carried them to a hole and tossed them in. With a thud, they fell to the bottom. "Ouch! Watch who you throw around ugly scientist dickweed!" Bill exclaimed then looked at the two girls in the pit who were unconscious. "It's Elizabeth and Joanna!" Ted said, running to them, trying to wake them up. Bill followed and then looked up to the entrance of the pit. "Dude, I just realized something..." he said. Ted looked up at Bill. "What?" Ted asked. "That book...we need it..." Bill said searching his person looking for it. "I thought you had it," Ted said then suddenly the book fell dead on his head, making him fall to the ground. "Yeah, my head certainly broke the fall," Ted said, groaning and rubbing him head. "Dude!!" Bill exclaimed, looking into the book. "What?" Ted said getting up and looking into the book. "The whole books filled in but...look at the end," Bill said. " 'Bill and Ted are thrown into pit where they die of thirst and later get there head cut off, the end,' " Ted read, "Uh-oh," they said. "Well, at least we die slowly," Ted said with a smile. "Shut up, Ted." "We'll feel sick and then throw up." "Shut up, Ted." "Our skin will turn all green--" "Shut up, TED!!"  
  
Hours later, all four of them were sleep on the bottom of the pit when a shoulder woke them up. "Huh..huh? Rufus?" Bill and Ted mumbled as they got to their feet, Ted holding Elizabeth and Bill holding Joanna. "Rufus? What are you doing here?" Ted asked. "I told you I'd come to help you guys. It was up to you to fill the book up. If we can only get a happy ending in it, McCormick and your evil clones will disappear. Come on, get in the booth," Rufus said and stepped into the booth, as did Bill and Ted with the girls. 


	7. Chapter 7

July 15th 2001  
  
"Rufus, this right after our concert dude," Ted said after stepping out of the booth to his dressing room, as Bill did. "Thats right, Theodore, you have to prevent any of this from happening and a happy ending will arise, understand?" Rufus said, "I'll take care of your families but you two have work to do, bye amigos," Rufus said then the booth disappeared. When Bill and Ted looked down the hall he could see their actual clones from that day walking towards their dressing room. "Dude, that's us..hide!" Bill said and hid under the dresser, so did Ted. "On tour? Next week? But dude...what about Elizabeth and Joanne? They've seemed to have gone solo on us," Bill's clone said as they entered the dressing room. "I guess Death'll take care of 'em. They all quit on us," Ted's clone responded. The real Bill and Ted under the dresser whispered,"Déjà Vü.." they said then climbed from under it and faced themselves...literally. "Dude! It's them...you...me...us again!" the clones said. "No, no...you'll have to trust us, we've come to help you guys because the evil Bill and Ted are planning on doing to you what they did to us, we've travel back through to time to warn you," Bill said. "No, that last time we trusted you, we went through hell," Ted's clone said. Bill took the book out of his jacket and showed it to them. "Whoa..." the clones said in unison. "Now do you trust us?" Ted asked. The clones nodded then followed the real Bill and Ted. Confusing? I guess it would be if you were working with a couple of idiot dudes. 


	8. Chapter 8

"Okay, dudes, the robots should be coming in a couple of minutes, when they do, you guys hit them over the head with this hammer and turn off the button on there backs, got it? We'll cover you," the real Bill said and the clones nodded. "Here they come, go ahead," the real Ted said and the clones walked up behind the robots, hit them with the hammer and turned off the buttons and they fell to the ground. Bill looked in the book, "Yeah!" he exclaimed. "What?" Ted asked and looked into the book. " 'The Evil Bill and Ted get shut off forever. Bill and Ted and Bill and Ted live happily every after,' " Ted read from the book. All of a sudden, Bill and Ted's world went black.  
  
July 26th 2001  
  
When Bill and Ted woke up, he saw that they we laying right next to their sleeping wives. They looked at each other, winked and did a little silent air guitar. The girls woke up and hugged them. "Uh dude...how did we get here again?" Ted asked. "I dunno, but how ever we did...we must've succeeded in our mission," Bill said with a wink and hugged Joanna. Ted winked back and hugged Elizabeth.  
  
July 26th 2708  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! THOSE STUPID STALLYN BRATS!!!!" McCormick yelled from inside the empty closed up vault and the walls were slowly starting to close in on him. "Uh-oh..." he said and obviously, those were his last words.  
  
  
  
July 27th 2001  
  
"Ladies and Gentlemen, give it up for the world heros and most triumphant rock stars, Wyld Stallyns! And as a contribute to them, we are giving out the best selling new book, 'Bill and Ted's Phony Phenomenom!' "  
  
"I'm Bill S. Preston Esquire!" "And I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan!" "Together we are WYLD STALLYNS!"  
  
"Great going guys," Rufus whispered to himself from the audience.  
  
THE END 


End file.
